Bitren is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, smart hippopotamus.

Bitren created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitren, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bitren, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Bitren's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Bitren's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather eight tapirs near bridges.

2. Always count to five before sleeping.

3. Never handle iron while unclean.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Bitren in the centre of the settlement.