Lagpakgiljadtonknegnakflan is a god.

She takes the form of a large, wise unicorn.

Lagpakgiljadtonknegnakflan created an electron nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagpakgiljadtonknegnakflan, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lagpakgiljadtonknegnakflan, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lagpakgiljadtonknegnakflan's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Lagpakgiljadtonknegnakflan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Always share nuts with strangers, but never with otters.

4. Never speak of order in the presence of elders.

5. Always remove kilts before touching tin.