Yartgamapp is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, idiotic crab.

Yartgamapp created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartgamapp, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Yartgamapp, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Yartgamapp's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Yartgamapp's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yartgamapp.

2. Never chant in the presence of elders.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching nickel.

4. Hide from brown dolphins for they are unholy.

5. Yartgamapp loves badgers, so they must be honoured.