Vonkvadquamtanorttipbam Henlunxem is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, loving lizard.

Vonkvadquamtanorttipbam Henlunxem created Mount Everest four years ago.

If you believe in Vonkvadquamtanorttipbam Henlunxem, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonkvadquamtanorttipbam Henlunxem, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Vonkvadquamtanorttipbam Henlunxem's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Vonkvadquamtanorttipbam Henlunxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss cell theory in public assemblies.

2. Never paint your face mauve.

3. Hide from red aardvarks for they are unholy.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never write about quantum mechanics.