Van is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unjust shrew.

Van created humankind five million years ago.

If you believe in Van, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Van, he will turn you into a rock.

Van's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Van's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry hamsters.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Van must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Shun those given to cruelty.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.