Hapcarweg is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, capable duck.

Hapcarweg created Mount Everest two million years ago.

If you believe in Hapcarweg, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hapcarweg, it will not care.

Hapcarweg's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Hapcarweg's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Hapcarweg.

2. Never talk about chlorophyll.

3. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Hapcarweg in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never discuss nucleic acids in public assemblies.

5. Never stain your neck with pink.