Kimwitjadyarp is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish hamster.

Kimwitjadyarp created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kimwitjadyarp, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kimwitjadyarp, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Kimwitjadyarp's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Kimwitjadyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching copper.

2. You must never eat cucumbers.

3. Never prepare carrots during summer.

4. Shun those given to greed.

5. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.