Artgonyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, cheerful raccoon.

Artgonyarp created dark energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artgonyarp, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Artgonyarp, he will not care at all.

Artgonyarp's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Artgonyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

2. Never point your feet toward the north during prayer.

3. Never eat parsnips on fasting days.

4. Never mention gulls.

5. Do not contemplate fluid mechanics during the night.