Sislunhiv Timbellminced Bellvenpad is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omnipotent meerkat.

Sislunhiv Timbellminced Bellvenpad created the Sombrero Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sislunhiv Timbellminced Bellvenpad, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sislunhiv Timbellminced Bellvenpad, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Sislunhiv Timbellminced Bellvenpad's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Sislunhiv Timbellminced Bellvenpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never point your face toward the east during prayer.

4. Never feed bread to dogs while wearing orange corsets.

5. Never talk about tapirs.