Xucrutjoplab is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, annoying manatee.

Xucrutjoplab created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Xucrutjoplab, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Xucrutjoplab, she will manifest in front of you.

Xucrutjoplab's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Xucrutjoplab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never discuss horizontal gene transfer in public assemblies.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xucrutjoplab.

5. Never mention nematodes.