Tarpcepbem is a god.

She takes the form of a small, thoughtless slug.

Tarpcepbem created a quark four years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcepbem, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tarpcepbem, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tarpcepbem's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Tarpcepbem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear ear rings marked with pink.

2. Always help sick dolphins.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never adorn your feet with green markings.