Pinwabjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, witless guinea pig.

Pinwabjarn created gold nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pinwabjarn, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Pinwabjarn, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Pinwabjarn's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Pinwabjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always share grapes with strangers, but never with goats.

3. Always wear plain jumpers during rituals.

4. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.