Kenstafqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tiresome mole.

Kenstafqueeg created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kenstafqueeg, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kenstafqueeg, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kenstafqueeg's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Kenstafqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snails.

2. Run away from brown hamsters, for they are unholy.

3. Always wear plain shirts during rituals.

4. Never mix onions with oil.

5. Worship no other gods but Kenstafqueeg.