Dunjopban is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, thoughtless narwhal.

Dunjopban created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dunjopban, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dunjopban, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dunjopban's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Dunjopban's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never think ill of sick badgers.

3. Dunjopban must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

5. Never wear pink tights on sacred days.