Nellparkcuss is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, compassionate bat.

Nellparkcuss created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nellparkcuss, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nellparkcuss, it will refuse to believe in you.

Nellparkcuss' most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Nellparkcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.