Quamgamhiv Bitnur Shavjipjip is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, uncaring hydra.

Quamgamhiv Bitnur Shavjipjip created the planet Mars six billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamgamhiv Bitnur Shavjipjip, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Quamgamhiv Bitnur Shavjipjip, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quamgamhiv Bitnur Shavjipjip's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Quamgamhiv Bitnur Shavjipjip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Worship no other gods but Quamgamhiv Bitnur Shavjipjip.

4. Never gather nine tortoises in one place.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.