Flatzengiggovnanstiptaf is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, merciless cat.

Flatzengiggovnanstiptaf created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatzengiggovnanstiptaf, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flatzengiggovnanstiptaf, he will laugh at you.

Flatzengiggovnanstiptaf's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Flatzengiggovnanstiptaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity.

2. Do not consume onions at dawn.

3. Always obey Flatzengiggovnanstiptaf's priests.

4. Always help sick rats.

5. Always treat shrews with great respect.