Sigflagtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, stupid faun.

Sigflagtonk created the planet Venus two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sigflagtonk, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Sigflagtonk, he will make you grow a tail.

Sigflagtonk's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Sigflagtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.

2. Do not hurt otters.

3. Do not wear copper on your body.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Sigflagtonk on top of all buildings.