Artnadtal Popontquaf Zancuthap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, impressive swan.

Artnadtal Popontquaf Zancuthap created bats six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artnadtal Popontquaf Zancuthap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Artnadtal Popontquaf Zancuthap, he will curse you with boils.

Artnadtal Popontquaf Zancuthap's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Artnadtal Popontquaf Zancuthap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from titanium.

2. Artnadtal Popontquaf Zancuthap loves geese, so they must be respected.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never think about comets.