Jarngum Wadsogdut is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, unfair lobster.

Jarngum Wadsogdut created a top quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarngum Wadsogdut, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jarngum Wadsogdut, she will ignore you.

Jarngum Wadsogdut's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jarngum Wadsogdut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick pigs.

2. Never write about optics.

3. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Jarngum Wadsogdut in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never prepare cherries during summer.

5. Always cleanse blood with water.