Volomtham is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, unthinking slug.

Volomtham created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volomtham, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Volomtham, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Volomtham's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Volomtham's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Always cleanse ash with water.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Hide if three eagles approach from the south.

5. Never touch blood while clean.