Dogwitbum is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, omniscient wren.

Dogwitbum created humankind eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dogwitbum, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dogwitbum, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Dogwitbum's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Dogwitbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. Never fashion tools from wood.

5. Do not name children after monkeys.