Satjanveg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty crocodile.

Satjanveg created gold nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Satjanveg, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Satjanveg, she will turn you into a mouse.

Satjanveg's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Satjanveg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate the strong nuclear force during the night.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Do not eat cherries.

4. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.