Vagxemsog Mabhotdin is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, pitiless dugong.

Vagxemsog Mabhotdin created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagxemsog Mabhotdin, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vagxemsog Mabhotdin, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vagxemsog Mabhotdin's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Vagxemsog Mabhotdin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never bounce in the presence of eagles.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vagxemsog Mabhotdin.

5. Never mark doors with orange.