Konlarpqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, fussy whale.

Konlarpqueeg created humankind four years ago.

If you believe in Konlarpqueeg, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Konlarpqueeg, it will send you a sign.

Konlarpqueeg's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Konlarpqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear ear rings marked with brown.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never pray while filled with fear.

4. Never mark doors with mauve.

5. Never look in ponds.