Xemcunspag is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, wise whale.

Xemcunspag created everything that exists two billion years ago.

If you believe in Xemcunspag, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Xemcunspag, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Xemcunspag's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Xemcunspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to horses while wearing gray tights.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never fashion tools from clay.

4. Always help great tits in need.

5. Never gather eight turtles in one place.