Gatpomwat is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, quiet unicorn.

Gatpomwat created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gatpomwat, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gatpomwat, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gatpomwat's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gatpomwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather seven porpoises in one place.

2. Feed all hungry moths.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.