Quatbandid is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, annoying hippopotamus.

Quatbandid created the planet Venus six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatbandid, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Quatbandid, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Quatbandid's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Quatbandid's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Quatbandid on top of all buildings.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near voles while wearing blue hats and balancing six nickel spheres on your feet.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never speak aloud of numbers.