Tarkomveen is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, humane otter.

Tarkomveen created the solar system five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarkomveen, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarkomveen, she will turn you into a mouse.

Tarkomveen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Tarkomveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never discuss nucleic acids in public assemblies.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Put Tarkomveen first in all things.