Zagpakpang is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, selfish snake.

Zagpakpang created the world nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagpakpang, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Zagpakpang, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Zagpakpang's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Zagpakpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never curse while facing west.

3. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a room before entering it.

4. Do not record names concerning galaxies.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zagpakpang.