Damnurlarf is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, unselfish seal.

Damnurlarf created a Higgs boson nine million years ago.

If you believe in Damnurlarf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Damnurlarf, he will laugh at you.

Damnurlarf's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Damnurlarf's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Damnurlarf.

3. Never hurt goats.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Learn four new languages a year.