Kempagstik is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, pitiless guinea pig.

Kempagstik created the Black Eye Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kempagstik, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kempagstik, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Kempagstik's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Kempagstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed spinach to dolphins while wearing indigo tights.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never hurt monkeys.

4. Never mark doors with gray.

5. Never wear turquoise trousers on sacred days.