Cetmutbab Artfatsin is a god.

He takes the form of a small, vain badger.

Cetmutbab Artfatsin created matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cetmutbab Artfatsin, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cetmutbab Artfatsin, he will turn you into a hamster.

Cetmutbab Artfatsin's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Cetmutbab Artfatsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your back with blue.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always remove shoes before entering holy places.

4. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

5. Never hurt sheep.