Higarpbig is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, proud tortoise.

Higarpbig created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Higarpbig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Higarpbig, it will turn you into a mole.

Higarpbig's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Higarpbig's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never gather seven birds near walls.

3. Never speak aloud of signs.

4. Do not prepare cucumbers while wearing ear rings.

5. Put Higarpbig first in all things.