Matsanfet Ditbonktig Japhapgat is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, amazing dryad.

Matsanfet Ditbonktig Japhapgat created light seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matsanfet Ditbonktig Japhapgat, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Matsanfet Ditbonktig Japhapgat, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Matsanfet Ditbonktig Japhapgat's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Matsanfet Ditbonktig Japhapgat's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Matsanfet Ditbonktig Japhapgat.

2. Always act with obedience.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not cook food in pots.