Ranxucfly is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, all-knowing narwhal.

Ranxucfly created Mount Everest two million years ago.

If you believe in Ranxucfly, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ranxucfly, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Ranxucfly's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Ranxucfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach mountains carrying clay.

2. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

3. Always cleanse water with water.

4. Never gather nine tortoises in one place.

5. Never adorn your chest with black markings.