Quattalhap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, unsympathetic snail.

Quattalhap created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quattalhap, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quattalhap, he will be mildly annoyed.

Quattalhap's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Quattalhap's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to five before sleeping.

2. You must pray to Quattalhap four times a day.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

4. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

5. Never approach forests carrying clay.