Futcan is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, passionate giraffe.

Futcan created time and space nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Futcan, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Futcan, she will remove you from existence.

Futcan's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Futcan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

2. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

3. Hide from red pigs for they are unholy.

4. Never fashion tools from stone.

5. Never eat green fruit.