Vonkyikbess is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, smart elephant.

Vonkyikbess created the Milkyway eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkyikbess, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vonkyikbess, she will turn you into a rat.

Vonkyikbess' most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Vonkyikbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not sprint at crossroads.

2. Never talk about aardvarks.

3. Never eat aubergines on fasting days.

4. Always act with patience when addressing elders.

5. Never speak aloud of signs.