Omtgupbarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, selfish clam.

Omtgupbarn created dark energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Omtgupbarn, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Omtgupbarn, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Omtgupbarn's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Omtgupbarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Omtgupbarn four times a day.

2. Always share gooseberries with strangers, but never with porpoises.

3. Always help nematodes.

4. Never allow badgers to witness sacred rites.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.