Vidfetjanfed is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, duplicitous lobster.

Vidfetjanfed created the planet Venus eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vidfetjanfed, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vidfetjanfed, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Vidfetjanfed's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Vidfetjanfed's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never record names.

4. Always remove skirts before touching platinum.

5. Do not listen to music.