Loopwatraw is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, happy horse.

Loopwatraw created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopwatraw, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Loopwatraw, he will be very sad.

Loopwatraw's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Loopwatraw's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach forests carrying stone.

2. Do not prepare lemons while wearing corsets.

3. Do not dye your hair white.

4. Always act with patience when addressing strangers.

5. Do not speak sacred words in summer.