Artsakfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, stupid tortoise.

Artsakfeb created silver five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artsakfeb, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Artsakfeb, he will turn you into a sheep.

Artsakfeb's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Artsakfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about thermodynamics.

2. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

3. Do not name children after dolphins.

4. Do not contemplate solid mechanics during the night.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.