Besslagmat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, bad-tempered aardvark.

Besslagmat created the Large Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Besslagmat, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Besslagmat, she will turn you into a mole.

Besslagmat's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Besslagmat's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain purity during days of mourning.

2. Never talk about stars.

3. Never allow horses to witness sacred rites.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.