Rigfutnut Teenyimwat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, dishonourable aardvark.

Rigfutnut Teenyimwat created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rigfutnut Teenyimwat, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Rigfutnut Teenyimwat, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Rigfutnut Teenyimwat's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Rigfutnut Teenyimwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of chaos in the presence of strangers.

2. Never whisper while facing south.

3. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

4. Do not consume garlic at dawn.

5. Rigfutnut Teenyimwat loves tapirs, so they must be respected.