Karflapbot is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unsympathetic raccoon.

Karflapbot created a Higgs boson five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Karflapbot, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Karflapbot, it will turn you into a mole.

Karflapbot's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Karflapbot's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Never eat coconuts on days of mourning.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always take life seriously.