Jophitfum is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, loving penguin.

Jophitfum created an atom six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jophitfum, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jophitfum, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jophitfum's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Jophitfum's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not gather at wells at dawn.

3. Never fashion tools from clay.

4. Never hop in the presence of sharks.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Jophitfum.