Bidnanvagkad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful walrus.

Bidnanvagkad created Europe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bidnanvagkad, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bidnanvagkad, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bidnanvagkad's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Bidnanvagkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

2. Never mention birds.

3. You must pray to Bidnanvagkad eight times a day.

4. Always count to nine before sleeping.

5. Never run in the presence of seals.