Vidpopflylipponcin is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, witty owl.

Vidpopflylipponcin created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vidpopflylipponcin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vidpopflylipponcin, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vidpopflylipponcin's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Vidpopflylipponcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat coconuts on fasting days.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Vidpopflylipponcin.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always wear plain jumpers during rituals.