Staf Tamxuczog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, smart bird.

Staf Tamxuczog created vertebrates four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Staf Tamxuczog, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Staf Tamxuczog, she will turn you into a puffin.

Staf Tamxuczog's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Staf Tamxuczog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dwarf planets.

2. Do not take Staf Tamxuczog's name in vain.

3. Always act with humility.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Staf Tamxuczog.

5. Do not laugh at crossroads.